Facebook to buy virtual reality firm Oculus VR for $2 billion

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Natural Born Kissers A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why...

Read More

HTC One M8: The most beautiful smartphone

Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice! What… is your quest? Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean? Camelot! Burn her! We want a shrubbery!! Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed! I’m not dead! Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!! Bridgekeeper Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m...

Read More

Amazon customers: Get your e-book credit

OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. The Cyber House Rules Ummm…to eBay? Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on...

Read More

Apparently This Matters: Instagram’s favorite grandma

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Radioactive Man Well, he’s kind of had it in for me...

Read More

Silicon Valley is fed up with slow Internet speeds

Burn her anyway! Well, we did do the nose. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. Am I right? I am your king. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? How do you know she is a witch? Be quiet! Bring her forward! Oh, ow! Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed! We want a shrubbery!! But you are dressed as one… And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. It’s only a model. Now,...

Read More
  • 1
  • 2